The Dark Side of Nyt

Oh the pain....

Tue, 22 Apr 2003 17:22:51 GMT

Last night, was home with the family, has homemade pot roast with Mash and gravy and bisquits for dinner. Cool? n'est pas?

I took the night off from RPing and just chatted with folks. It was nice. Then we went out and picked up the new GAZEBO for the back yard, which meant, laying the seats of Blaze down and smuggling the kids back to Castro Valley like illegal immigrants.

And den..?

I went to bed around 1130 to get some much needed sleep.

And DEN...?!

I woke up around 2:00 AM with SERIOUS lower abdominal cramps. No, not THOSE sort of cramps, bowel cramps. I laid there in my warm bed on my belly until I couldn't take the pain and "Wish" it away any longer and made a dash for the bathroom where by that point it was so bad, I was sitting on the can blowling out one end, and holding the waste basket under my head because I thought the gut was going to join in the purge fest.

AND DEN?!!!

Repeat every two hours until taking kids to school at 8 AM. Mitch, God love him, got them ready all by himself so I could sleep until transport was needed. He was up puking at 6 AM. I somehow missed that.

AND DENNNNNNNN?!!!!!

I went back to bed, until about 10:00 AM, and am now... grossing you all out here.

No more AND DEN!

The Schedule

Mon, 21 Apr 2003 16:10:20 GMT

If you want to chat, or PR with me this week, here is my BevMo! schedule:

Mon 10 AM - 2 PM
Tues 6 PM - 10 PM
Wed 10 AM - 2 PM
Thur 10 AM - 2 PM
Friday OFF!!
Sat 10 AM - 3 PM
Sun 10 AM - 7 PM (most likely)

I work ONE bloody night this week and is HAS to be the night 24 is on????? Auggh!!!

It happens in the best of families....

Wed, 09 Apr 2003 16:13:40 GMT

I just found out that my brother-in-law PUNCHED OUT my little sister Maggie yesterday morning and put her in the fucking HOSPITAL!!!

She won't call the fucking police! My fucking parents won't call the police and TAKE HER out of THERE!

What the Hell do I do???

What the FUCK do I do??? She is in bum fuck Oregon, the middle of no where!

Why I LOVE Percival

Mon, 24 Mar 2003 16:04:22 GMT

Percival is a character in the Comic GOTH HOUSE. I met the artist at ComicCon last year, and of all her characters, Percy is my fave. Here is his comment on the War.

Snape and Sirius Smut

Wed, 19 Mar 2003 00:37:38 GMT

OOC for now, if you follow Slytherin House lately, you know Snape and Sirius have broken up after Sirius outed himself to Snape. Yes, Jack Grim is gone.... *weep!*

Anyway, here is some unfinished, OOC for now

Sirius snuggles him the working Severus from behind, and bites down on the nape of his neck, then growls.

Snape growls back, stiffens, and tries to sit up as straight as humanely possible whilst attempting to shake him off.

Sirius grips arms tightly around shoulders of the Potions Master, and bites again. Mine....

Snape wriggles, and turns his head to one side, eyes narrowed Try me, then.

Sirius nuzzles again, gnawing carefully on the side of Snape's neck, tasting him, working on a glowing "hickey". I would love to have you wear me... Parts of me cover parts of you so nicely, and it has been SOOOO long...

Snape snorts, wriggles again, and manages to at least half-turn and shove him back, his voice a low rumble, "Five minutes is a long time for you... I swear you should be a goldfish not a dog at times... even if you do manage to play the bitch in heat so well." he shakes his head, letting his hair fall about his neck again, though not managing to hide a little shiver at that. rearranges his legs, nudging Sirius more than once in the process.

Sirius slides around to come in front of Severus, and pushing aside his reading, he sits down gently across his lap, draping his arm around his shoulder for stability. "I am your bitch.... but you have known that for a long time..." he says with a lopsided grin. He then leans in and rubs nosetips with the other. "Two knuts for your thoughts..."

"Is that all they are worth?" Snape looked offended. "I don't see why you bother asking anyway..." he drawled, tilting his head back to keep his lips hovvering just near Sirius', but ready to move out of range if needs be. "...You know full well what I am thinking of..." Lazily he clasped his hands about the other wizard's waist. "Potions... detentions... how horrid a day it has been... taking over the world, mad, uninhibited sex on Minerva's desk... the usual..." Snape had mastered the lecherous grin long since. Then he chose to demurely look away to hide the fact that he was about ready to laugh.

Sirius wiggles his eyebrows at the other. "Minerva's desk... that will be a new one for us.." he says with his own wide grin crossing his face. "Where would she be right about now?" he asks, then leans in, searching with his nose, then when he finds and earlobe, he nibbles.

Snape ssnorts derisively* "I do not memorise every detail about my colleagues' lives... but I do believe that Tuesdays is the day she takes the Study Room... but only until seven o'clock..." He looked at the clock. "I don't think I've enough energy for the both of you..." he smirked, kept one hand wrapped about Sirius' waist, and sent the fingertips of the other dragging up the outside of the furthest leg from him, tilting his head to help a little and moaning slightly as he did so. "I'm afraid that wil have to wait."

Sirius shifts his backside, settling more over Severus' groin. "I can be up for a quickie. Right here... right now.... I'm not wearing anything below the waist under these robes you know...." He grins again.

Snape heaves a heavy sigh, "You tax me sorely. I've been on my feet working all day..." but his fingers were sliding up the fabric from his thighs with well-practiced ease. "...I've had to suffer that insufferable godson of yours and his cronies..." He moved his nose to the nape of neck, sniffing, and licking a few times, "...And you just expect me to stand on ceremony?" At which point he thought it expedient to grab the hem of robe in both hands and flip it up so half of it was in Sirius' face anyway. "How inconquerably rude of you."

Sirius, laughs, quite amused. Quite aroused too, as the flipping a revealing of his lower half shows.* "I live to annoy you now Severus. I am your bittersweet tonic." He pauses, "Tired and on your feet all day? Good thing I just want you on your back for a stretch..."

"Not in this chair you're not. I may not be totally decrepit, but it would do a good deal for it if you attempted that..." At that he slid his left hand between Sirius' legs, first fondling his balls for a moment before giving an experimental, appreciative, and rather thorough grope of anything and eveything within reach. Huge smirk on his face he leaned into an ear, licking it first. "Right here and now, did you say? Or would you like to change your mind?"

A long and sudden intake of air through Sirius' nose, and he leans his head back as he is touched. "Oh... Lord.... anywhere you want... me... The desk, the wall, the owlery, I don't care..." he moans, hips lifting up to meet the touches, craving more. One of his hands clutches to Snape's shoulder, and the other goes searching in Severus' own robes.

Snape's voice was practicalyl a perpetual purr bu this point, pouring liquidly over his words like one who loved the sound. "You... are a shameless little slut..." And gods but didn't it make Snape want the little git even worse? The fingers of his free hand strked across Sirius' abdomen for a moment or two whilst he tried to decide where best he wanted him. On his hands and knees, he decided. On the bed? Too far. Bracd against his chair? Oh why not. He'd decided long ago that there were few things left to shock him, and so he set about moving them both.

Sirius was stirred from his masturbation trance when Severus started to move them from the chair. "Mhhhmm?" he hummed, and nimbly slid to his feet, and stood, shaking his robes back down into place as he watched Severus rise, in more ways than one, and approach. "I'm only your slut Severus. Only you touch me now... Hmm... perhaps I need a new nickname, that one doesn't suit somehow."

"I shudder to think there's actually a word in the English language to describe you," Snape replied glibly, and started running through his (admittedly rather impressive and extensive) vocabulary for a word that managed to cover each aspect andstarted dismissing them one by one on technical difficulties... Thankfully he could do more than one thing at once and had already shoved Sirius back towards the chair, head first, telling him to hold on. No... that just means you give head so that won't do... Fucktoy isn't right either... I think the closest I can possibly come is bitch, he deduced. And then smirked, because it was all the more appropriate for what he planned to do. He took a little jar of something out of the drawer in the little table nearby and unscrewed the lid. "How long is it since I last did this to you again?" he asked with a coo as he hitched up Sirius' robes again, warmed the liquid between his hands and let some drip down from the small of the man's back. "Much too long anyway."

"Bittttttch....." he replied, enjoying the stretch of the word, the way it sounded. "I like being your bitch and no one else's...." he hummed. "No one has ever owned me like you do now Severus.... So well you master me, it's divine, and terrifying all at the same moment." he mused, then shuddered as he felt the slick lube run down his skin. He pressed his backside toward Severus, living the part, and with one hand gripping the chair, the other went for his groin, stroking slowly.

Being careful to keep the sticky liquid in the palm of his hand, Snape pressed it lightly at first, then more firmly against the cheeks demanding his attention with a stifled chuckle. He used the flat of his hand to stroke down flat over the cleft, before he curled one finger in to stroke more insistantly for a second or two, rolling his finger around carefully before he freed his hand and administered a quick, none-too-harsh slap which was more surprising than anything else. "Do you know how much I love knowing that I own every inch of this... every inch of you?" Snape took a moment to admire, before he started parting his robes himself (still without looking down). "The noises you make... and that look on your face when I take you? I don't think there's a more charming expression you could wear. Hm. I haven't seen it often enough of late. I think I should rectify the matter." And with that he nudged Sirius' feet a little father apart, ran one slicked hand over a shoulder, then gripped with his left at the collarbone, the right at the hipbone, and pressed himself against his self-professed bitch.

Sirius chuckled low in his throat, lost in the moment, the surrender of it all, the acidity of Snape's words mingled with the sweetness of his touches. "I love knowing how much I please..... Oh.... God.... Sev..." he cried out, thought cut off in mid-speach as Severus leaned in, pushing himself slowly inside. Sirius tilted his head back and gasped, making "that face" that Severus loved to see. Pain, ecstacy, surrender, submission, all in the anquish and grin of a handsome face.

TBC....

I got PUCKED by Ricci!!

Wed, 12 Mar 2003 17:12:43 GMT

Oh... last night was SO MUCH FUN!!! blackwing and I went to see the Sharks Play, and even though they lost, we SCORED! I took my Ten Feet Of Ricci Banner, my REECH OUT sign, and armed with letters I had written to pass off to him, and WONDERFUL signs made by blackwing, we set off on our GRAND ADVENTURE FOR A STICK!

We got to San Jose early and after a period of indecision as to where to sup before the game, we finally found the ONLY place open before 5 PM, and had some good Chinese Food while we made PLANS for getting my letters to Ricci, and scoring a stick. We went inside as soon as the doors opened at 6:00 PM, and after taking one copy of my letter down to the Sharks Receptionis for Ricci, we staked out a spot next to the dressing room exit to the ice, behind the Sharks Bench. We met a GREAT usher who's name escapes me at this early hour, and showed him our signs, (PUCK ME! Please, Please, Please, Please, Please, Please...) (Puck her, or ELSE....) for blackwing to hold and look manacing to maintain her GloomCookie Cred, and one telling Ricci I would make a Charitable donation for a signed stick.

Well, we also me Mark, one of the trainers, and he was THE GREATEST. Not only did he take one of my letters (I made three copies) and give it to Ricci, who "Loved it, and laughed as he read it, and commented on the "Ricci Flex" pic I had put at the bottom, "Hey! Where did she get that one, that's from Colorado? Man, I look GOOD!" Mark told me that Ricci was ALL SET TO give me a stick but the Equipment Guy told him he had barely enough for the game to night, and to to tell me to come to Logitech for the next practice, and he would set me up!!!! BOUNCE!!!

Then.... Mark gave blackwing and I BOTH FROZEN Sharks PUCKS!!! I squealed, and to her Cred, blackwing Smirked in a Gothy Way, and had to admit I was the Bomb.

Well, finally the warmup got under way, and I had a frozen puck in my front pocket chilling one ovary quite nicely. When Riici came out of the tunnel, I was standing next to the User dude, and he said something to me about "hitting them as they came out" so when Mike passed by, I screamed "RICCI!" and gave him an slap on a padded shoulder. The Usher looked at me and said, "I said NOT to hit them!!" "Oops! My bad." But I was soon forgiven and took to holding up the Ricci sign when ever Mike looked at the bench. He saw it once from the ice, and gave me a smirk which was precious, then Kiprusoff came over to stretch on the wall, and spotted my REECH OUT sign which was against the glass in front of blackwing and he scowled at her. She realized what he was reacting to, and quickly hid the sign.

A few minutes later, Ricci was stretching at the wall, and there was a REAL NHL GAME puck on the wall which he moved to the bench next to an older gentleman while he stretched. I held up the REECH OUT sign against the glass, and he grinned at me, then I flipped it around to the PUCK ME! side, and the look on his face was priceless. Wish I had had a camera out at that point, blackwing thinking fast pointed to the puck on the bench, then to me, and I nodded eagerly, then Ricci talked to the older guy, pointed to the puck, then they turned and talked to another guy, then looked at the Puck, then blackwing said, "Great, it looks like it's gone to Committee", and finally Ricci picked up the puck, and handed it to guy #2 who tossed it over the glass to me. Repeat Squealing Fan Girlyness. Mark saw this all transpire and grinned at us and I was now A HAPPY CAMPER, for I had TWO FROZEN PUCKS down the front of my pants chilling my ovaries.... I have to remember this remedy again in about two weeks. When warm up ended, we thanked Usher Dude, and Mark and made our way to our seats, VERY VERY HAPPY.

Well, the game started, and they lost, but after the game, we waited around with the rest of the rabble at the gate, and I got Scotty Hannan #22 to sign my Sharks Puck that Mark had given me, and when Ricci finally emerged, I got him to sign the bottom of my ten foot banner, and said, "I was the one who sent you the letter about the Stick, and should I come to Logitech tomorrow. He said he had just gotten a bunch of new ones, and to come by next week and he would set me up with one no problem. Whee!! blackwing got the Ricci puck signed by him for me while I wrestled the banner and chatted with him. She took a pic too, will have to see if it turns out.

All in all, it was a GREAT GREAT evening, and I owe a debt of gratitude to blackwing and Mark from the Sharks, and of course REECH who I will touch bases with next week or so.

*sigh*

A quiz

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 19:26:55 GMT

What
Goth Are you?

More SH Smut

Sun, 05 Jan 2003 22:22:42 GMT

Snape and I did this one, but can't post it yet, Snape and Jack are not speaking in civil terms... So, it is here for you to enjoy.

Snape was still staring at the letters page of the Daily Prophet. From time to time he would turn back to the front page, check the date, the name. Then go back and check the year... Look at the letter printed, four lines about the state of the world today being not what it was, and his name. S.Snape, Hogwarts. It was true, not some horrible joke or nightmare. True. Gods.

Jack got up from his desk where he had been studying, and went over to Snape, "Something troubling you Sir? Besides me, of course?" He grinned.

Bleary, exhausted eyes looked up. Whatever confidence and hope Snape had been able to keep locked up somewhere, stored, accumulated over the years, fortressed against the world.... The whole damn lot had just been pulled from under his feet. Of course there was something troubling him. He pointed first to the small section of print crammed between a discussion on what to do with floating-cabbage-rot and just what colour was the new in-colour for the fashionable witch's hair. Then he pointed to the letter he had written, a copy of which had already been given to Jack. "How long do you have?" he asked.

"Eternity," Jack purred as he slowly decended to kneel beside the beleaguered Potions Master, then placed his hands on the sides of the rolling chair upon which he sat, and slowly turned him to face him. He took care to not bang the knees of his Master on the desk as he turned him a quarter turn. Once he was facing him, he placed his hands on Snape's knees, and slowly pulled them apart before moving to kneel between them.

"I don't have that much time... or breath..." Snape replied, watching Jack carefully, but making no move of his own. He closed his eyes. Forced them shut tight. He let out a little laugh- mournful-sounding, lost, maybe even a little wounded. "I've been an idiot... You'd think at my age I would have learned but I haven't..." he shook his head, listened to his voice, too-taught and inching up higher at every touch. I take my leave of trying...let the world do with me as it pleases.

Jack simply nodded and with slow graceful movements of his hands, lifted up the bottom section of Snape's long cassock like robes, and leaning forward, disappeared under them, head first. His hands felt along, up tensed thighs, and to the fasteners on his Master's trousers where his hands played nimbly.

Despite himself, Snape found that he was leaning slightly into any contact afforded him, needily. A pale, almost serpentile tongue licked over dry lips, and the little snake about Jack's neck mirrored the gesture, hissing in a soft, almost inaudible fashion- slowly, unhurriedly. Snape shifted so his legs were out more or less straight, and along Jack's flanks, hooking his feet over Jack's, and under his backside, thankful for their length- not for the first time in his life.

Jack made quick work of the button and zip on the trousers, and pulled them open to find silken tented boxers beneath. He was again quick with hands, but gentle, freeing what he sought and found there. He leaned forward, purring softly in response to the serpent's caress on his neck, then nosed gently against the hardening shaft his grip. Slowly, up and down he ran the tip of his nose on the underside until he reached the top again, and slowly slid his mouth over it.

Snape didn't care how ridiculous he looked, no one would see him, and any possible shame and self-consciousness had gradually been eroded away, only resurfacing from time to time. It was too much bother trying to part his robes right now so he could mess with Jack's hair, which was what his fingers wanted to do mostly right about now. Instead they had to clamp down, and release, and clamp down again on the arms of the chair, like a cat flexing claws.

He managed to nudge his feet together and locked them, so that Jack was sitting back on them in his kneeling position, and tugged in as close as he could wangle with his over-long limbs. There was a low, sort-of satisfied rumble coming from deep in the Professor's chest, as he rolled his shoulders a little, tensing in places he really needed to relax. I'll give you one thing, he admitted grudgingly, You can unwind me almost as good as wind me up... Almost... The ghost of a smirk chased across his thin lips.

I do my best to please and perplex, Master... he mentally purred again, then began the familiar up and down oral motions, and crept a hand down to caress and massage the base of Snape's shaft as he tended to him. He hummed intermitantly, sending vibrations all throughout his mouth, and the length of the member in his mouth. He could almost see his Master clutching the chair, he smiled. It was fun denying him the familiar hair grip he used when Jack "unwound" him so.

That you do... Snape replied, his mental voice just as silky as his verbal one. Deprived any contact of his own by the situation, and reliant on Jack (which, he had to say, somewhat infuriated him) he had to make do with the Ouroboros- but it simply was not the same. There was a slight keening sound in the back of his throat, and he decided to remedy that soon. Hm. Maybe in just another minute more...

Jack began to move himself up and down faster and faster, his hand clenching tightly at the base, and then slipping down to massage and squeeze Snape's tensing testicles. He hummed again, a strange Muggle tune in case anyone cared, and he sent mental strokes of comfort, ease, and arousal to his Master, urging him along the path and pace he was chosing, for now.

Tiredom had conquered most of Snape's fight, he just wasn't in the mood to bicker, and more amenable than usual. Lulled, and aroused, in equal measure, he was content to lie back in the chair for the moment, rocking himself back and forth a little, pulling his feet up a little harsher, and so taken up that he moaned, gently. Yessss.... that's nice... Don't stop...

Jack was lost in the motion he was making, and the grip Snape had on his legs, holding him prisoner when the mental command came over. With a grin, he stopped, and lifted his mouth from Snape, then blew his breath ever so gently over the wet and heated flesh. He repeated this twice more, waiting for a response.

Snape actually whined, and his dark eyes looked wounded and unfocused as he stared down, even though he couldn't see Jack, and vice versa. He pouted, but didn't push his hips up any higher than had come naturally, swallowing instead. "Can't you follow... a simple order?" he growled, too breathless for his liking. Exhaled heavily through his nose, put his head back, and closed his eyes again. Any longer and he would see to himself. He was definately not going to beg anyone.

Jack chuckled and dove back down to cover Snape once again, and this time, the pace was faster. His hand moved quicker up and down his Master's organ in counter time to his oral ministrations. He hummed louder, and intermixed that with moans of his own. He was aching for some release of his own, but for now, he wanted to feel Snape let go, to surrender however briefly to him. I am not stopping now Master... Let go... let it go... he coaxed softly in his mentor's mind.

Snape bit back the reply that he damn well had already, and his nostrils flared angrily. It was quite one thing doing something, quite another if he was told to. His automatic reaction was to question why, or stall before obeying, unwilling to let anyone think they had any sort of control over him whatsoever. He made a half-strangled noise as he automatically stiffened, and stopped relaxing.

Let me relax you Master.... I want nothing else... please.... let me serve you... he purred softly in Snape's mind, not giving up yet. His motions were increasing in urgency, and speed. He swallowed with every other stroke, putting tight suction on Snape, and tasting saltiness mixed with his own saliva. That's it.... Master.... That's it....

The Potions Master wanted little more than an end to being so persecuted, even by Jack, now, it seemed. No matter what they said there were all out for themselves... it didn't make sense any other way. It was just foolish to even think otherwise. His jaw gave up being tightly clenched, mouth slightly agape to let in more air, as he felt his body betraying himself again. No matter how much he fought, that slow, seductive ease, with its terrible siren-song telling him everything would be fine, he had nothing to worry about if he stopped fighting the current... that voice mingled somewhere along the line with that of Jack, and the two became hopelessly entwined in his head. Surrender was dishonourable, was suicide, death of self... but he was giving in anyway, eyes closed as he stopped making any audible sound, stopped clutching tight, and just let his muscles act of their own accord. Damn you...

Jack didn't send a mental reply of words, but more emotion. Damn me, but I so love being damned by you... Being yours.... Serving you.... You will always rule me... he thought in intangibles as he pressed his face down until his nose pressed against the dampness of Snape's belly, and he inhaled his musky scent. He moved up, then all the way down again, timing himself, and then urging Snape to grab hold of him, to finish it.

Denied any hand-hold, Snape could only wrap his legs tighter, and pull him up from underneath until he was practically sprawled over his lap, only the fact his legs were occupied stopping him from rising from the chair himself. His fingers dug deep into the worn wooden armrests on the chair, causing his knuckles to go white with effort. Eyes closed, his head tilted back as he let go, restrained by Jack's weight, but feeling his climax curl up and rip up out of him, even if he couldn't move- and taking gods knew what along with it.

A half-verbalised plea echoed in his mind, needy, lonely. He felt so empty- but this was what Jack had said he wanted from him. Was this what it was like when he relaxed, and let the tension go? Was it such an integral part of him that he felt so goddamned - alone- when it left? He slumped back, panting, legs slipping down, feet unlocking. His arms felt empty and he wondered if other people felt sad afterwards, or if he was just a freak, as per usual. He was vaguely aware that Jack still needed attentions, but, until he calmed a little, he was in no fit state to deliver. Give me a minute, he seemed to ask, without those exact words, but something else that amounted to much the same thing. Just... a minute...

Jack was so skilled at this task, he could do it chaind and upside down if need be. He played the part of skilled courtesan, and finished the task with skill beyond his years, and once he had, found himself in need of fresh air. Slowly he backed up, taking care to not tred upon Snape's legs, and emerged from then black tent of robes, and sat back on his rump on the floor. He was panting for air, and reached up to brush his wet hair back from his face. He gazed lazily up at Snape, and smiled at what he perceived was a relaxed and sated state.

Don't show weakness, don't show weakness. Do, and you find yourself very quickly in deep water, ready to boil. And from thence, to the fire. He desperately needed not to be alone right now, but he couldn't dare swallow his prode enough for that. For once, a stupid little voice was saying that if he did, he would look a fool, or that Jack would leave him to spite him. And he didn't want that. But what was worst? So close, yet so far away... After a minute his chest had stopped heaving quite as badly, and he pulled his head upwards, and fixed slightly unfoccused eyes on Jack. Tried to make them look as doleless and mournless as possible. He bit his bottom lip. All he had to do was tell him to come over, and he would. But he didn't trust any part of his voice for the minute. And he sure as hell wasn't going to cry. Sniff a little, maybe, but nothing else. He started trying to compose himself, reassemble the man he showed the world, but it was slow going and he didn't really want to. Maybe he would have the first move taken from him and he wouldn't have to make any. Unlikely. he could but hope.

Jack looked up at the man seated before him, and felt a pull. They empathic dog part of him was telling him things most humans would miss or not feel at all. Slowlyl, and without moving his eyes from Snape's, he crawled forward, and slowly, carefully, nestled himself crossways into Snape's lap. He rested his head on Snape's shoulder, and then pressed his nose, his face into the Potions Master's hair. Then, he began to purr softly. It wasn't much more than a soft rumble in his chest, but it was there as he draped his arms around Snape's shoulders, and pulled himself closer. I'm here.... eternally. was all he thought.

Definately not going to cry. Nope. Not in the slightest. Snape didn't have to tell his arms to wrap about Jack's waist, nor his hands to rub at the small of his back, the seemed to know to do so of their own accord. Which was fortunate, because he sure as hell didn't knwo what to do himself, and was quite lost from the word go. He knew, deep down, what he wanted, just not how to go about it. Which was, in all respects, rather sad. He propped his chin on Jack's neck, and let his eyes close. I'm glad, came the quiet reply, but before he could dwell on that he shifted a little, leaning into Jack's chest, and rubbing against him slightly. He could still sense his need, and knew he wouldn't be happy till Jack was. He was still breathing heavily- though he didn't need to as much, wanting to smell him, them.

Jack nuzzled back, his breathing was slowing and he was finding himself falling into a calmer state the longer he sat there cuddling with Snape. He was content to sit there, like this until the end of tim came, or something from the bloody world interrupted them. I like this.... just... being here. he thought idly, then a deep breath in became a happy, contented sigh going out. Could stay like this forever... So warm... So... right. he thought, then went silent, shifting only slightly to alleviate pressure on Snape's legs, but not loosening his embrace of him.

Warm? I suppose... came the slightly disjointed question, brain still not connecting gears and belts up. He was getting very very sleepy, and less panicked now Jack was in his arms, like a horse blinkered, or a hen with her head under her wing- he stilled. As his mind slowly calmed, and slowed- not working at the usual ten to the dozen pace, but somewhere just barely above animal, bare necessity, he licked gently, lapping with the tip of his tongue at the slight rise of bone at Jack's nape, finding to his annoyance that his collar was in the way, but too tired to do anything to rectify the issue. His fingers had worked their way under his shirt at the back, and were gently smoothing across the base of his spine- he knew, instinctively, just how to calm someone. Then do stay... don't have to move. Just stay... don't need anything else, he decided, stubbornly.

Jack nodded slowly a moment later, Yes. Shall we just go to bed then? To Sleep? Perhance to dream? he thought with a mental grin, but not much, he was quite drained himself. He thought then of warm beds, dark rooms, and a larger, warmer form curled around him from behind. He smiled.

So far... Snape complained. Why is my bed so far away? I should keep one everywhere... they are so very useful... he yawned, and blinked, surprised. He was still imagining having a bed in his classroom, or one in the Great Hall for after meals, when he realised he was probably being very very silly indeed. Oh well. You'll have to help... my old knees aren't up to this... he thought, babbling, as he struggled to rise, still with one arm wrapped about Jack's waist, the other finding the chair's arm again, trying not to overbalance, but not to touch any less of the younger wizard either.

Jack slowly stirred from his near sleepy state, and slid down from Snape's lap. He bent over and slipped an arm around Snape's waist as he made to stand up, then pulled him close and leaned his head against his side. He stood there, waiting for Snape to get his legs under him before attempting to walk. "When you are ready." he said softly, then a huge yawn caught him off guard, and had him gaping wide.

Somehow, he managed to stand, and not fall over. Which was fortunate. He had to sacrifice and just leave one arm wrapped around Jack, or walking would be a nightmare- he certainly was no up to carrying the other, no matter what weight he could make him. Seeing Jack yawning, he couldn't resist- leaned in, and bit on his bottom lip, firmly but not hard, before licking it dryly, pulling back, and tugging him along. "Come on or you'l catch your death... and I could do without that..." he mumbled, and continued to drag him along, willing or no.

Jack made a soft whimpering sound as his lower lip was captured and bitten, then relaxed. When Snape started to walk, he followed, and snickered at his faux concern for his health. "You always say that, but it never happens. Off all of the things that have stuck me down and afflicted me since coming here. A simple rhinovirus is the least of my concerns..." he grumbled, as he followed Snape to bed.

"Don't scoff, I bet if it wasn't for me you would have died from complications due to a cold," Snape groused. He couldn't help it- it was one of the few things he'd picked up from his mother, aside from his frame. She had been a real waif. He mock-clouted him, as they were getting there, and used one hand on the bedpost to strip himself as fast as possible, before he literally dived under the covers, rarely so happy he had them. Sat up, for a minute longer, he growled at Jack. "Hurry up already I don't have all night."

Jack was standing there, an amused smirk on his face, and once commanded, he began to disrobe. It was going to be a slow striptease. He puckered his lips, and started with his tie, then shirt. He removed them with slow practiced moves, and then dropped them one by one to the floor near the foot of the bed. He then lifted up a hand and licked his palm before running the same palm down over his bare chest, and down towards his belly, then over his groin which he squeezed slowly. "Ah...." he sighed. Then moved his hands to work the button and zipper next.

Snape rolled his eyes. "Exhibitionist. Stop showing off and get yourself here before I decide I'm going to sleep," he said, and rolled over, pulling the sheets over his head. He bit his lip to stop from snorting, or shaking, but it was hard. he considered things, and found his wand. If Jack wasn't going to hurry up, then he'd have to be hurried.

Jack scowled, and gave Snape a long slow raspberry, and continued his slow strip tease. Pants were undone and slowly pulled down, then tossed aside with a kick of his leg. This left him in sock and underwear and Ouroboros. "Don't I look so fetching and ready to be molested?" he said in a falsetto before diving towards the bed, and squirreling under the covers next to Snape.

Snape whuffed in laughter but rolled so his back was to Jack. When he spoke he was muffled by sheets and duvet. "No. Go away I'm not in the mood." Now his skills as actor, traitor, deceiver were put to good use as he affected the most disinterested tone he could. To all visual and auditory senses, he was exactly that- completely unresponsive. But he found it hard to lie in other ways, or wasn't trying. Teach him right to take so bloody long- Snape could play hard to get too.

Jack snorted, and gave Snape's back a jab with his elbow as he settled onto his back. "Fine, old man... don't tax yourself..." he snickered, then folded his right arm under his head, and the pillow, and began to lazily fondle himself with his left through his underwear. "Sometimes it's better to just take matters into your own hands..." he muttered softly before another monster yawn overtook him, and he paused.

"Hmph," came te response, as he found a new form of revenge and shoved two ice-cold feet back against Jack's lower leg, rocking him a little, and held there. "Oh' I'm sorry, did I jar you?" he said with forced concern, staring over one shoulder. He leaned back one elbow to rest on Jack's hip. Lull him into a false sense of security first.

Jack cried out at the feeling of the icy feet on his warmer body, and snarled in reply. "No, you didn't disturb me. I can do more that one thing at a time. I am multitalented that way," he snorted, then quickly rolled onto his side, back to Snape. That was tactically a bad move he knew, but that is what made it fun after all.

Hmmm, scratching post, he thought idly, and pressed back, rubbing his back against Jack's for a minute. "Multitalented eh?" he asked as he rolled over, finished rubbing, and draped one hand over Jack's hip, the other propping him up. "Can you rub your belly and pat your head at the same time?" he asked, as lazily as he could.

Jack snorted, "No, and neither can you..." he drawled lazily, closing his eyes with a sigh. He paused, then laughed "But I can lick myself if I want to." he bragged, then yawned again. He shifted around slightly in the bed, getting settled and comfortable now that the covers were warming up nicely.

"Can too," Snape replied, sounding wounded. But to demonstrate he patted Jack's belly with the hand that was by his hip, and rubbed his head with the other. Yawned, snorted, and lay back, arms behind his head in a relaxed manner. "Lick yourself? Like to see you try..."

Jack snorted again. "Fine, so you are the better man than I am... again. Hurrah, hurrah..." he said in a bored tone. He strayed from the topic of licking himself. Of course he could, in his Animagus form and showing off THAT talent would make things, awkward to say the least. He instead snuggled back against Snape, and moved a hand to lace with the one laying across his belly.

"You don't make it all that difficult," Snape commented, scratching idly with his long fingers, and yawning heavily. He was getting tired and thought as much aloud. He buried his face in Jack's neck and hair, mrring gently, and sprawling- letting his hand pet indiscriminately. "You could make things a..." yawn... "...little harder for me... Or I get bored..."

Jack let a chuckle escape, "Just WHAT would you like me to make harder for you, Master?" he asked with a grin. He was in fact, too tired now for some reason for sport, he surmised he was even too tired to be blown, but Snape had rarely done that for him. "Then get bored.... I am not stopping you..." he muttered petulantly.

"Oh for the love of..." Snape muffled the rest purposefully in Jack's back, and uttered a stream of unintelligible expletives. He thumped his head against shoulderblades as though a wall. Rested his head there a minute. "Roll over," he said, one hand to hip, shuffling back so he could get Jack supine. He was going to make damn sure the pair of them went to sleep happy or someone was going to get hurt. A resigned look on his face, he waited until Jack did as he was told. "Sometime today please, I have to get up in the morning."

Jack complied with a reasonable quickness, then looked up at Snape through the darkness, his eyes now fully adjusted. He frowned slightly. "You don't have to do this you know..." he said quietly. "Just go to sleep, I don't want to be the reason you don't get your 8 hours in. I'm fine." he said calmly, blinking slowly as he stared into those pitch colored eyes above him.

"As if I can sleep with you moping," Snape replied with over-done hard-done-by tones. "And besides, I never get that much," he calmly added, moving to straddle him with ease. Another advantage of long legs. He was kneeling astride, half-sitting on Jack's stomach, hands on his shoulders for balance. He didn't feel like much else right now, so this would blood well just have to do. He slid back, until he felt he was bumped up against something, then smirked. he rubbed a little, cocked his head to one side to gauge Jack's reaction. You were saying...?

"I'm not moping!" he protested, perhaps a little too loudly, then bit his lower lip and moaned as Snape sat astride him. Eyes closed, and he sighed. Somethings he could control, others he couldn't and his damn cock was one of them. He arched his back, and lifted his hips up toward Snape, another soft moan. Damn you.... was all he managed. He was well tranined it seemed, to respond when Master desired, even if he had not the drive.

Too late, I am already consigned to Hades... and my soul is sold several times over... he wriggled, and put a little more pressure on as he used his hands and knees to give him the purchase he needed. I am just waiting... for them to come and collect it... and realise I only have one... Have one to spare for me? He smirked, bit his bottom lip, and watched Jack's reaction beneath him. Hm. Perfect. His fingernails dug in slightly, tensing.

Jack laughed mentally, he couldn't do anything vocally at this point, his brain has gone south. Mine was sold long ago as well. Sold to the Lord of Revenge... he mused, then sucked in a breath from between clenched teeth and pursed hips as Snape dug in with his nails. He lifted his hips again, or rather tried, Snape had him quite well pinned now. He wasn't going anywhere he wasn't wanted.

Shame. There's so many things you can do with them... but so much more fun to be had without them... He lifted his weight momentarily, then ground himself back down against Jack's hips- no mercy shown. He had to say he was enjoying watching the reactions he could elicit from something so simple. Then, stilling, he leaned in to bite under his jaw for a minute- he was tired, but not utterly exhausted. He wondered vaguely if he could do this without ever using his hands or mouth. Decided that he had to investigate this properly, and with effort, slid himself flat, and his belly along Jack's groin. Oh it was so hard not to use his hands. He wanted nothing more, but instead he found Jack's wrists to keep himself distracted.

Jack moaned louder this time as Snape pressed himself down onto him, then came the bite. He shuddered, his cock twitched, and he gasped, sounding wounded, but being far from it. "Oh Gods..." he sighed as he felt the friction of the larger body on his. He struggled a bit when his wrists were grabbed, but not much, that would delay what would happen next. He wanted to get to that quickly. He was no longer ambililent about his needs. Not by a long shot.

Knees pinched tight into Jack's sides as he pulled both hands together, made them into fists, and held then with one of his. Brought his face to rub the knuckles against his closed lips. He rocked, gently, from side to side, rolling them both a little, eyes intent on watching Jack's. "Tell me what you want, Grim," he quite literally purred, knowing just how to sound sultry, even if he only just managed to feel it- but despite himself, he felt Jack's mood was catching. Worse than the common cold. "Why don't you tell me," he went on, "What it is you need..."

Jack's mind was thrumming, as was his body, he kept trying to lift his hips, to thrust, to rub, to do... anything that would let him come at this point. He wanted it NOW unlike earlier when he was content to just fall asleep. Damn that man! "I want to come Masssster..." he hissed between teeth held close. "Fuck me.... let me fuck you.... I don't care...." he breathed softly, keeping his eyes closed for now, then let out a long sigh.

Alright so he had to put his hands somewhere, so he pushed Jack's back over his head, and transferred one back to a shoulder again, not putting too much weight on, but enough to keep himself supported and Jack pinned. His breath hitched a little so he started to speak to better cover the fact up, those dark, too-deep eyes alight with something. "You do want that, do you?" he asked, tilting his head to one side as if straining to hear something far away. "Seeing as you asked so nicely... Accio wand," he called, focussing intently, and smirking when his free hand was filled. He knelt up, as high as he could, putting no pressure on the other wizard as he tried to sit clear. He held his left hand cupped in front of the business end of his wand, whispered something with a grin that you couldn't say wasn't malevolant. That hand disappeared behind his back for a few moments, his elbow working as he did squirm a little, but didn't make a sound.

Jack watched with wide eyes, and slightly parted lip, his heart began to beat a bit faster as his mind worked quickly at what he THOUGHT he was seeing, what he THOUGHT might be happening. It was a moment later he realized he was actually panting, tongue hanging out of the side of his mouth, the whole routine. He rectified that, and swallowed a dry moan. He opened his mouth again to speak, but found he coudn't.

The light flush of colour over Snape's high cheekbones was deepening steadily-settling there and looking very much out of place on his pale, sallow skin. He couldn't bite back the smug smirk- so he still had what it took, and could surprise as well? With practiced ease, not only on other people, but in the past on himself, he closed his eyes and slid a slickened finger inside himself with efficient ease, then stroked a minute-adding another, finding his arousal returning slowly, but steadily. He bit his lip, and opened his eyes, fixing them on Jack as he slid his fingers out with a little sigh, then moved his lubricated hand to Jack's straining member, holding it firmly and still for a second, and slowing his breath with effort.

Jack found himself falling down into a place he could not name or recall being before. He watched Snape with a mesmerized expression, and pulled on his hands, wanting them free to touch him, to touch himself, to do something! When Snape gripped him, his hips thrust upward eagerly. It has been so long since it had gone this way... "Yes.... Oh Please... don't make me wait, Master..." he moaned and closed his eyes, biting down on his lower lip in frustration at being held down, and being held between Heaven and Hell.

Snape made a little thoughtful hurrming noise as he shuffled- aligning himself as best he could whilst he held Jack still. He peered over one shoulder to better see what he was doing, talking somewhat distractedly. "So you'd... leave me like this? And after... all this effort... not even wait..." Bit his lip, closed his eyes, caught his breath and started lowering himself as slowly as he could... "...until you were inside?" His voice gave way at that point into a hiss, but it wasn't all that mercenary sounding, or even sinister, just a forced out-breath past clenched teeth. He'd forgotten what this felt like. It had been- what? A fairly long time in his memory, and even longer if you were only counting the times that- what, counted, so to say?

His exhaustion helped to deaden the pain a little, and his own long custom with pain in most all its forms meant he wasn't all that averse to a little. In moderation. But he wasn't thinking about those times at all for once- was not living in the past of recollection and association, or there was no way in hell he would still be in the same room as Jack. "I'm not going to make you..." he stated, using both hands for the minute to slowly slide upwards, and freeing his weight from Jack's chest somewhat- allowing him to breathe more easily again. His thumbs rubbed under collarbones, fingers flexing and relaxing, the mental afterthought left unsaid; Just don't leave me like this...

Once his hands were freed, they went to clutch on the outsides of Snape's thighs as he was slowly sheathed BY Snape instead of the other way around. He arched his head back, baring his throat and let out a long keening moan as he felt the tightness envelop him. "So.... long... So long since I..... Oh God.... Oh God...." he muttered as he felt the unfamiliar tightness swallow him. He wasn't even cognizant of Snape speaking to him, verbally or mentally at the moment. Once the initial penetration was complete he let out a long breath, and opened his eyes to look up at Snape. His were clouded, dazed, yet serene and warm. "Are you ready for me?" he asked in a voice deep, almost too deep for his size and age. Before he got an answer he moved his hands to his sides, and braced himself, then began to undulate his hips up and down with a slow urgent rhythm.

A shudder ran the length of the Potions Master's spine as he felt Jack's hands move- and if he noticed anything other than the fact they were holding him, he didn't say. The automatic glib response (never far from Snape's mind) that he was born ready parted his lips and was just about to escape past his teeth when the body beneath him started moving and interrupted lucid thought for- oh, the next few days? Well no, Snape thought muggily as he fought to retain some semblance of concious thought, moan turning into hiss as he clawed his way back up. Do I look ready? he asked mentally, squirming with as much restraint as he could muster, which wasn't much. That did feel... a lot better. Nowhere near as empty and cold whatsoever. His breath was laboured- and stopped altogether for a heartbeat or two when he decided he needed a free hand to tend to himself, snaking it over his belly quickly.

You look overdo for having someone like me fuck you silly and leave something warm within you... he replied, then finding the grip on the bed not nearly enough, he bent his knees up slightly, giving his feet purchase on the bed, and move power to his hips. He let out a long sigh that slid into a moan as he began moving his hips up and down with more leverage now. Sounds came from his mouth, neither words, or groans but something feral and wild. Slowly he opened his eyes, and looked up at Snape. He grinned. How many years had he dreamed of something like this? Oh many to be sure.

Sssomeone like you? he asked, smirking. What, a younger Slytherin for a change? Oh yes, he'd forgotten he wasn't going to go there, certainly wasn't going to consider that he was doing this with someone what- half his age? Young enough to be his son? Nope. So he didn't. Eyes closed, damp lashes resting on his cheeks, he tried to ride out the rhythm Jack's hips were dictating, front and back as much as up and down. Perhaps... But maybe I'm not the only one who's been kept waiting too long... he smirked, clawing at exposed ribcage with one hand, stroking himself furiously with the other.

He wasn't as worried as he had been in the past- perhaps the insurance-clause of one small silver snake helped with that, or something else. He neither knew nor cared, too busy trying to scratch the dreadful itch he couldn't reach, looking for all the world lost to his task; lips pursed, eyes shut, slight frown-line creasing between his eyebrows. Aside from the knot in his gut which was slowly tying itself tighter, he did feel less anxious and more at peace than he had in years. And he hadn't even had a drink...

Too long.... yessss too long... to do this... he thought and quickened his pace. He had youth on his side, and he thrust for all he was worth, he wanted nothing more than to make it uncomfortable for Master to sit come the morning. If not that, leave him with the ache of having been had so well. This isn't my best position mind you... But it will do for now... he growled with the increase of pace, then felt another desire overtake him. He sent the image, the desire of Snape moving his hand from where he was clawing at his ribs, to up his belly, over his chest, and encircling his neck to join the Ouroboros. Would he take the bait?

A quiet whimper somewhere at the back of the throat was the only audible articulation Snape was currently capable of- he much preferred to keep his intelligible voicings private for the most part- why, he wasn't too sure. He had to agree that Jack had a point, however, this was far from the most practical position possible, but beggars couldn't be choosers, so it- and all the inconveniences attached to it would have to do. He stifled the mental laugh at how bold the current situation made Jack (who wasn't, shall we say, the most retiring of people) and wondered if he could make Jack's mouth run to the point he said something he shouldn't. He was still musing on that, and thinking his reply, when he realised almost absent-mindedly that his hand was in the wrong place. Concentrating on getting the words all in the right order, he slid a flat-palmed hand up to rest just at Jack's neck, feeling the windpipe beneath, the constrictions and relaxations of muscle as he breathed in and out. Patience... is a virtue... We'll see... we'll see... he rumbled, mantra-like.

Jack snorted, letting him know how he felt about patience when it came to sex, and he began to move for all he was worth. He repositioned his feet, and again bracing with his arms, he began to drive himself relentlessly up and down as hard and fast as he could from this angle. He was going for broke, as he felt the touch on his throat, the power play being hinted at there, he felt himself ready to come. Yes..... Yes..... Almost there..... Almost.... there.... fuckfuckfuckfuck oh God.....

In through the nose out through the mouth? Not likely. Snape was gasping in air for all he was worth, his sides working overtime so much so he thought he had pulled something and would struggle terribly tomorrow. Sod that. As Jack shifted angle yet again he felt himself thrown much too far forwards and automatic reflex kicked in- grabbing hold of anything for dear life. Which happened to be both Jack's throat and his own straining member. He yelped as his knees chose that particular moment to desert him and go in opposite directions- outwards, and land heavily on the youth beneath him. "Oh SHIT!" he yelled, thrashing blindly. Good job there was nothing breakable to hand.

The soft choking was nice, the tightness convulsing around him, very nice, then... then... Oh God... stars before his eyes and he let out a cry as he clutched the covers in his hand, he felt fabric rending and a shudder from his rippling body as he came and the world went white. "Yes! Oh God! Yes! Oh.... God...." he chanted in a rasped voice as he felt the clench at his throat then suddenly it tightened and he felt his throat being gripped too tightly then with a sudden impact, something else was falling on him, knocking the wind from him, and causing him to wheeze for breath. His eyes shot open, and for a moment his vision wouldn't focus. Sensory overload.

What had happened that meant he couldn't breathe? Snape wasn't sure, but the burning sensation that his brain told him was coming from his lungs wouldn't go away no matter how much air he sucked in. He was dizzy and exhausted and spent as it was already, and his hands relaxed- falling- falling, did they ever hit anything? They must have, but as far as he could tell they were still moving downwards. Which was all very silly. But for now, he couldn't for the life of him think who, what or where he was and lay sprawled over something warm. All he knew was he rather liked being like this, and wasn't ever going to move unless someone made him. Forcibly. The whole remembering shebang could come later.

Eyes finally focused, and Jack looked around. He found Severus' shoulder near to his cheek, and he felt like he was dead. Dead weight. Oh fuck the bastard had a heart attack! was his first cognizant thought, and he forced his hands up to embrace the back of the man, and hugged him tightly. "Hey... You alright?" he wheezed with great effort. His throat was sore, he was sure it had gotten bruised somehow, and slowly he was regaining the ability to intake air without painful stitches in his side. He tried to shift his body, no luck. He subconsciously noted they were still joined, and well, it wasn't so bad really. Unless the old fuck had keeled over. Master? he tried, accompanied with soft stroking motions across a wide, and damp back.

M'gonna stay here a little while... came the punch-drunk-sounding answer. Tired. He nodded slightly, and shut his mouth in case he started drooling. He caught a mouthful of pillow in the process, and spat out disgustedly, before he shuffled in an attempt to get his legs and arms in semi-comfortable positions, but it was like trying to do something in front of a mirror with legs crossed; working out left from right took a while. He yawned, and half-curled over, half-smothered Jack. He was going to sleep now dammit. With a bit of mental effort he managed to get out one last thought. Mmm'at least stopped you moping.... evenif you'rre mooning now i'stea...

Jack listened to the mad mutterings of a man well shagged, and grinned wide. Of course he wasn't dead. He was Severus Snape for crissakes, the most foul human to walk the earth, he would outlive everything but God, and even then that was up for debate. He felt him move into a semi coddling position, and accomodated him, moving only the slightest bit to settle himself before calling to sleep. Next time, I shall select the position, and to all... a good night... he sent, then almost immediatly fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I am still here.

Sun, 05 Jan 2003 22:18:09 GMT

Yeah, I did not do anything stupid the other day, and I want to thank those that posted advice to me. It really did help. I think it was a culmination of MONTHS of stress, and finally, the dam broke and a finger in the hole was no longer good enough.

I am better now. Had a great Birthday, and am working on rebuilding my Office, making room for a friend to visit. A nice healthy project, and I am making a new costume for the Convention Season as well.

Life is on an even keel once again.

My most sincere gratitude to all who read, and all who cared to help.

Nytshaed.

Why now?

Fri, 03 Jan 2003 01:24:38 GMT

I am putting this here for a couple of reasons. A) no one reads this journal, there is no real reason to. B) I am hoping that someone does and can offer a reason.

I have friends who cut, many. I have had the urge as well, many times in the last 7 years or so and have come very close. Very close. I am there again.

I turn 40 tomorrow, but that's not the why. I don't care about age. My life is unhappy, unsettled, insecure, and what pisses me off the most I suppose it that not only is it my 40th Birthday tomorrow, the 16th is my tenth Wedding Anniversary, and we don't have money to do SHIT for either, after having wonderful plans for both, for years.

We are SUPPOSED to be going to Las Vegas, sans kids so I can get a new tattoo, Mitch cand get his first ink, and we were going to renew our vows at Excalibur in full Renn Faire garb in the chapel. Well, not gonna happen. It looks like all the celebration gets put on hold indefinitely.

We had to wait to take our Honeymoon because I was pregnant with our first child. We DID make it to Mardi Gras a year later, and yeah, it was worth the wait. But, goddammit, I wanted to celebrate my TENTH Anniversay on my TENTH!

I know it's fucked up to be whining about something as transitory as MONEY with all the gore and unhappiness in the world. We are all healthy, Mitch has a stable job, we have our home, blah blah blah... So I have no right to bitch, right?

Well fuck that too! Our life may be perfect and all sunshine and giggles compaired to the white trash down the hill, or the "minorities" in Oakland, but I don't feel fucking priviledged, or blessed or any of that right now. I feel angry, and hurt, and cheated.

He is telling me to do it. That Evil Side of me, my Alter personality. He wants to see the gore run in the shower, and taste the tang of it on my tongue.

God, what to do to loose the pain? I want to break something, hurt someone, be it me or the world. Someone has to answer for this.

Yeah, but who?

Bring out your dead...

Wed, 04 Dec 2002 21:38:30 GMT

how would you commit suicide?

YOU WOULD SHOOT YOURSELF. always straightforward and honest, you are fed up with the inconsistency of life. your intelligence and tendency to be introspective leave you without many people you can genuinely relate to. death, for you, is not a major priority, but you can become intensely suicidal when you get depressed.

SASSY Snape.

Fri, 15 Nov 2002 08:18:54 GMT

Don't know how much longer this link will work, it's for the HIGH Quality Quicktime Movie of Snapes, "Spin, Snap, Strut" during the duel in CoS.

http://images.countingdown.com/images/theater2/2623603/media/2623603_qt_h.mov

Bath time.

Wed, 06 Nov 2002 05:58:01 GMT

Written for use in Slytherin House, may not use it...

Jack set the books Blaise had given him for his birthday down on the nightstand near his bed. He wasn't particularly sleepy, considering the three hour nap he had just had, but he changed into his nightshirt anyway. Once that was done, he glanced around the Dorm. Draco and his pals' beds were empty, Lord knows where they were. He missed Draco and his companionship. That had fallen to the wayside for several reasons, the main being his secret enslavement by Snape. Jack smiled oddly at that, and felt a twinge in his lower belly. A want, an ache began, and he turned, looking wistfully at the section of the wall where the secret passage was hidden. Master?. He sent. He waited. Nothing. "Bastard." he swore, and paced around the room. He was restless, bored, and horny, a bad combination for him at any age.

Derrick had a rather rough day of bossing children around, playing with the lovely ladies of Slytherin house, and had just finished a rather decent dose of homework. He was off to rid his body of sweat and uncleanliness for the evening. Of course he was a Prefect, but that didn't mean he was responsible. When he heard of Grim's dissapearance, he made little note of it. Everyone in the house seemed to hate him anyway. He whistled on his way down the halls of the boy's side of the dormitories, dressed in an emerald green terrycloth robe, and nothing else. Aah, to be a Prefect.

Jack had taken to wandering in his restless mood, and had found his way to the door of the Prefect's Bath. He had seen the inside of the Gryffindor one plenty of times in his youth, but never this one. He paused, running his hands over the door, knowing it had to be password protected. Everything in the castle, including him to a certain point was. "Hmmm... if I was a password, what would I be?" he mused, placing an ear to the door to listen, to see if it was occupied or not. He listened, heard nothing, then something. Someone was approaching from the other end of the Hall. He ducked into an alcove, and hid from sight, waiting.

Stopping to see a few of his favorite people along the way to the Prefect Baths, he walked right up to the photo of a monstrously hideous looking Veela in her monster form. Muttering the password rather loud - heck if he cared if other students were around to hear him - "Bloody handsome!" He spoke, and the Veela hissed at him, swinging open to reveal the door behind. Stepping within the door, he closed it behind him and was instantly assaulted by spicey incense, dark dim lighting, and an overall gothic atmosphere. He wondered, mind off on a tangent, if Snape ever frequented the Prefect's bath ... it certainly fit his style.

Having removed his robes and slipped into the warming, relaxing bath, he was pretty quick to fall out of it, loosing himself to his thoughts. Up to his neck in scented bubbles, the room dark enough that shadows flickered all over the place, hiding any number of things. He dipped his hands under the water and brought it to his face, wetting the cold skin with warm perfumed bathwater. He ducked a hand completely under the water, resting his palm on his lower stomach, fingers gracing the patch of hairs directly below his palm. A smirk growing over his lips .. he was all alone ... perfect.

Once Derrick had gone into the Prefect's Bathroom, Jack emerged from his hiding spot. He grinned. He now knew the password, would he go in? Of course. Would he go in NOW? Perhaps. Jack knew Derrick was a kindred spirit in the fact that he like to imbibe of contraband from time to time. He had never engaged in the hrassment Jack received, but he had never sought to help either. Jack was not one to hold grudges, and with a crafty smile, returned to the door, and spike the password to the hag in the picture, "Bloody handsome!". She hissed at him, and then admitted him inside.

Derrick was so deep in his relaxation, almost to the point of being asleep. All he needed was some hash. But he'd left it in his room ... damn. Oh well, next best thing? Oh yes ... that hand slowly moved to snake around his member, giving it a few good strokes. He heard the Veela hiss, and his hand paused, blinking. He was the only Prefect. He blinked a bit, wondering just what adventurous lady had decided to pop her head in to greet Derrick, a smile curling his lips as to whom it would be ... Pansy? ... Mmmn, no, Zambini ...

Jack moved along the walls, staying in the shadows, and he watched Derrick with an amused, interested grin. He saw him move his hand under the water, and knew what that was about. "Like minds...." he whispered to himself, and remained in the shadows, watching.

That voice was ... far too deep to be any sort of female voice. He blinked, trying to recognize it, "You sick fuck ... " he said with an amused sort of grin spreading over his lips, "Come to watch, eh? Or perhaps wanting to .. 'suck up' to the Prefect?" His eyes were lazily shut, his hand dipping back beneath the water once again. "Who're you?" He asked quizzically, his words slurring together.

Jack grinned. Found out. But then, he hadn't been trying to hide really. He would never have been found out if he had. He slipped from the shadows, his night shirt unbuttoned to the waist now, and swaggered to the edge of the bath pool, hands folded behind his back. "Tis I, the mad murdering Jack Grim...." he said in a low slow tone, his eyes watching Derrick closely. "Come to watch, perhaps. Come to suck up? Not likely." he grinned, then dipped a bare foot into the steaming water to sample the temperature with a graceful sweep of his leg.

Eyes opened as he heard the boy come closer, and the mention of his name, "Aaah, infamous Jack Grim ... So, have some fun with the Death Eaters?" He purred, eyes looking dazed as he watched him sample the bathwater, hand still moving generally slowly under the water, "Don't worry, I didn't pee in it." he chuckled, shifting a bit in the water, his other hand joining the other deep under water, as he was growing hard rather quickly at the thought of being watched. "So, our Head of House not giving good ... head?" He chuckled. Of course, rumors flew quite quickly, and it was amazing how they could be concealed from the subjects of such. He blinked, looking over at Jack, "Never thought you'd be a Teacher's Pet to that old coffin dodger." He sneered.

Jack's expression slowly shifted to one of cold and unreadable emotion. He slipped out of his nightshirt, and deposited it on a towel rack nearby then continued to stroll slowly around the pool, as if displaying himself purposely. "I wouldn't know what sort of Head the Head of Slytherin House gives Derrick," he said lazily. "I may be his prized student, but Jack Grim is no one's pet..." he said glancing down at the water. "Hmm... you may have not peed it in the water, but you sure scented it like a woman would...." he observed, then choosing to sit on the edge not far from Derrick, and dangle his legs over the side and into the water. He kicked them back and forth in the water slowly.

"Fuck you, Grim." If there was one thing he hated, it was having his manhood downgraded. He made no move to attack, but simply sat up straighter, glaring at the younger lad. He looked away after a moment, "No one's pet, eh? Then what's that collar you've got tied around your neck, hm?" Such an odd necklace, for a boy, "Looks like something a sissy like you'd wear. " He chortled.

Something flickered in Jack's eyes, a dangerous glint, and he smiled slowly, wickedly. "It was a gift, from one more powerful than you shall ever be Derrick... It is a serpent, the symbol of Slytherin House, of Salazar Slytherin himself. You should take care whom, and what you insult before knowing all there is to know." he said with a lift of his dark eyebrows. He then slipped fully into the water of the pool and looking away from Derrick, began a series of slow, easy crawl laps in the shallow pool-like bath.

Derrick glared at the boy, a year younger than him, thinking he knew all there was to know about the wizarding world. He grunted at him and watched as he swam small laps in his bath, "Who said you could use this bath? I don't believe I gave you permission ... " He raised his chin, signaling his authority over him. He still had a burning deep in his gut that needed to be satisfied. What luck that a boy seemed to stumble right into his path.

Jack continued with his laps and upon returning to Derrick's end of the pool, swam up quite close to him, so close that his belly moved between the other boy's splayed legs. A hand went under the water, searching, then finding. Stroking slowly. "May I please..... have permission to swim in your pool Sir?" Jack purred in a low deep whisper as he continued to slowly pull-off the other boy. His pale eyes were half lidded, a smile on his lips.

Despite the aching in his loins, and then the sudden feel of the boys hands upon him, it took quite a bit of control to get Derrick to pull a straight face. "You little slut." he let purr from his lips, hands at his sides, letting Jack work. "If you show me how good you are ... maybe I will." he smirked, leaning just slightly forward. Jack smelled ... different. He smelled of the wind, of musk, of ... experience. His eyes slipping shut, a soft 'coo' left his lips as he brought his knees together, successfuly locking Jack between them.

Jack was just as wanting as this other, and he was not known for being picky when it came to careful chosing of rutting partners when the mood struck. He slipped his free hand around behind the Prefect's back, pulling him into a gentle embrace, and rested his chin on his shoulder as he continued to stroke him off. "I am not a slut Derrick, I just know how to please, and how to get pleased..." he purred back, then nuzzled his nose just under the other boy's ear, and nipped softly, pressing his own erection up and under Derrick's balls, moving it slowly back and forth while his hand worked up and down.

Now, there was something that made Derrick jerk. The way Grim's hand slid around his back, and purred in his ear. It was so strange. Derrick wasn't a tart! He groaned and pushed back, feeling the other boys member pressing between his legs. He raised a hand out of the water, "Whoa, Grim ... I'm not ... " he looked down into the water, the boys hand still around his cock. A hand or blow job was one thing, but a butt fuck was another! He looked down, slightly pushing him away, growing more and more nervous by the moment. "You twisted sick slut, yes you are." He started to move, squirming to get out of the bath. Making it partially out of the water, he rested his warm backside along the lip of the pool, Jack's hand still around his cock, which he reluctantly started to pry off of him.

Jack opened his eyes, and gave an amused expression to the retreating 6th year. "Tsk tsk tsk." he said, "Such a waste." he mused as he let go of Derrick's member, and leaned back into the water, his own hardon looking like a thick fleshy periscope. "Didn't want to fuck you Derrick, well, OK maybe I did, but Jesus, I don't need to force you. I am not THAT desperate," he laughed then rolled over onto his belly and swam to the deeper end of the pool. When he reached it, he hung onto the lip of the pool and pulled himself up and out of the water. He sat on the edge of the pool, then leaned back, resting his weight on his right hand, while his left went to work stroking his erection ever so slowly.

He reclined back, watching Jack swim down to the opposing end of the tub. He made no real move to get out, just to get away from him. After all, this was his bath, not Jack's. He could throw him out, couldn't he? Eyes darted to the other boys hand as he started to stroke his own member, the tingling feeling of that very hand, just moments before upon his own, and he licked his parched lips. He couldn't help the feeling rising in his gut. He positioned one leg upon the pool side, his other still dangling in the water, as his hand went to curl around himself, fingers massaging his balls for a moment, before his slicked hand worked its way around his twitching cock, watching Jack with careful surveying eyes.

Jack's eyes were closed, he seemed entirely as ease wanking off with another watching, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, or he did this with some frequency. He made little sighing sounds, working his hand up and down his shaft, then down around his balls for a massaging grip, then down and between the crack of his ass where he kept his hand for a moment, moaning softly, then quickly returned to jerking his shaft again. He would appear to near a climax, then slow himself back down, panting, and chest and belly now damp with a light sweat. "It's nicer when a stranger does it Derrick..." he muttered, but continued with the self abuse.

Standing, waiting until his eyes were closed, Derrick walked around the lip of the pool and strode over to Jack's side. Sure, he'd said he wasn't a tart, but that didn't mean he didn't like a bt of good kinky fun. He reached out with his free hand, placing it over Jack's, his other hand falling from his rock hard member as he leaned over the younger boy, watching his muscles move as he worked himself closer to a climax. "You're such a good little slut, how could you deny it?" His cock brushed Jack's knee, and he started to lightly hump that leg, while his hand squeezed around Jack's shaft.

Jack's eyes shot open and he flinched when he was approached and gripped, expecting the worse, again. He paused however, and saw Derrick's intent, and a smile returned to his face as he was held and masturbated by the other boy. He was moving his hips slowly now, up and down, and wanted to be buried deep in the other, or vice versa. He was so beyond mutual masturbation and circle jerks. He moved a hand to encircle Derrick's cock as it rubbed against his leg, jerking him quickly to build the want even faster. "Just because you want to try something different, doesn't make you a fag, if that's what you are afraid of Derrick." Jack said with a slight pant to his speech. "You could take me easily if you wanted to... it IS your bathroom after all...." he said with a sultry tone to his voice.

Derrick watched as they stroked each other off, looking down at Jack with that silly grin upon his lips. He closed his eyes, a soft goran leaving his lips as he bucked against that hand. Looking down at him, he nibbled his lower lip, looking back up into Grims eyes. Not a fag? Then, maybe it would be ok to do it just this one time. He leaned down, covering Grim's lips with his own, hips bucking against that hand more and more. Jack actually tasted good. Never having kissed a man before, Derrick was keen to learning new things.

Jack moaned softly as Derrick leaned in for a shy kiss, and he was careful not to devour him like a tasty dessert. He pumped his hips up and down quicker, and watched the tempo he was taking with Derrick he didn't want him to come just yet. When Jack pulled back from the kiss, he whispered in Derrick's ear. "I want you to fuck me Derrick...." he moaned softly. "Show me who the alpha is in here tonight...." He said, then slowly turning and breaking Derrick's grip on him, Jack moved to his hands and knees, his head nuzzling between Derrick's thighs. He looked up at the boy, gauging his reaction as he slowly leaned down and slipped his mouth over the tense shaft before him.

Derrick leaned back on his haunches, he watched the boy knee before him, his broad back shimmering with water. He closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of the boys lips surrounding his cock, as his hand slid down the boys spine, cupping the back of his head, holding him there, fingers lacing in his long hair. Certainly what Jack had just said was hypocritical, for he was in control of the situation at the moment. He grunted, his body convulsing. Sure, he'd had many a Slytherin bitch suck him off, but never someone so talented. He grunted again, doubling over slightly, "Uuhn, fuck Grim ... ha-harder ... " he peeked his eyes open, watching his cock fully dissapear between those lovely lips. Jack's humming and lip pressure a mad strain on his already pulsing, throbbing cock. Salty pre cum began to weep, a sure sign Derrick was very *very* close.

Jack felt the hand on the back of his head, and the tensing of Derrick's cock and the salty taste slipping over his tongue told him much. He suckled him for a moment longer, then suddenly pulled back and off of him. He grinned lazily at the other boy, watching his face color brightly and his sides heaving with his quickened breathing. Jack laughed softly, and while resting on his knees and hands still, moved one hand to under his belly and began to fist himself eagerly. "Now or never Derrick..." he grunted. "You want to be in me when I come.... it will blow your mind...." he gasped, nearing the point of no return himself. He hoped he had primed Derrick enough that he would lose any inhibitions he had left.

Oh yes, primed indeed. That mouth leaving his was like a blow to the head. Derrick lurched forward, forcing Jack onto his back on the tile floor. While giving himself a few more strokes, Derrick forced a finger up, and into that dry, tensed entrance. He worked it around a bit, surprised at the intensity of the pressure upon his one finger alone. His groin began to ache at the thought of his cock burried within that tightness. He pulled his digit from Jack, then positioned himself and began pressing into Jack. "Now... you pay for using my bath..." he grunted, and winced at the friction.

"Lubricatus!" Jack moaned as he arched his back in reaction to the dry, forced entry. He was so good with that spell, he didn't even need the focus object of a wand any longer. Derrick looked down at his slime covered cock, at first confused, then grinned. He closed his eyes as he worked it all along his length with a few more strokes, then began to thrust into Jack again. "Oh God, yes..." Jack moaned as Derrick leaned over him, pushing, pushing until he felt him slide past the tight ring of muscle and inside of him.

"Oh... fuck.... me..." he cried out, planting one hand on the floor next to Jack, and gripped Jack's leg with the other, lifting it up for beter leverage as he began to move in and out of him with fast and powerful strokes. "God.... oh God..." he moaned with each thrust until he was set in a rhythm, grunting with each thrust, panting with each buck. He closed his eyes, a sheen of sweat covering his brow. Good ... Lord he was tight. Tighter than any female he'd ever had. He continued to fuck him mercilesly, groaning and panting with each new thrust. He was almost there, his pre cum spilling more and more into that body. His body tensed, his climax ready to spill at any second.

Jack's body rocked with each thrust Derrick's made into his, and he moved a hand to grip his aching shaft, pumping it madly as he sought to catch up with Derrick. Both were so close, it wouldn't take much more at this point. Derrick, so new to this sort of contact, broke first, and with a savage series of thrusts, wildly uneven in pace, he came. "Oh Yes.... You little slut.... you slut... Yes.... yes..." he chanted at the top of his lungs, and even though Jack was sent over the edge by this, he hoped the damn place had silencing spells on it.

"Oh God..... oh God.... yes.... yeah.... yeah...." he moaned as he reached his own climax, spilling his seed all over his belly and Derrick's chest.

A moment later, Derrick fell onto his back on the tile, pulling out and away from Jack with a series of wet sounds. Jack moaned as he was left, shivering now on the cold tile, and then with a groan, he rolled over, and back into the warmth of the pool with a soft splash. He sank under the warmth of the perfumed water, soaking his cramped up body, then popped up to the surface again and began doing slow backstroke laps. He glanced over at the collapsed and muttering form of Derrick, and laughed softly.

Derrick recovered several moments later, and with an unreadable expression, watched the lithe form move in the warm water, back and forth. His mind was a whirl of thoughts and emotions, not settling one way or the other about what had just happened.

Sucker.....

Tue, 05 Nov 2002 23:35:33 GMT

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Of Dog and Wolf

Mon, 07 Oct 2002 16:03:10 GMT

For Possible use in the Slytherin House RPG.

Jack sat with the rest of his class in Defense against the Dark Arts listening to the teacher, Remus Lupin talk to them about Hex Marks and warding them off. He was paying attention to the teacher, that was clearly seen. All you had to do was look at the rapturous expression on his face as he leaned his chin in his palm and watched the Professor lecture.

Draco would cast a sidelong glance at his chum with confused disdain, and could only put it down to the fact that both Jack and the Professor sported the longish hair look, that for some odd reason there was an attraction from Jack to Professor Lupin. Draco made a derisive sound in his throat and looked back at the teacher. Perhaps he should have started making moves on Jack long ago. It was certainly looking like he batted for both teams. He knew he was popular with the Slytherin girls who put out, as was he. But, Draco had to admit, the delicate features and long shaggy hair Jack wore was quite fetching in an odd way to him.

Draco shook his head, as if it would clear his mind of that train of thought, and looked back over at the Professor and his explanations. He smirked. Most of the hexes he was warning them about, he had already done.

Later, it was note taking time, and only a gleefully hard elbow driven by Malfoy into Jack's ribs brought him out of his puppy-dog-eyed haze. Jack looked over at Malfoy, fist curled and pulled back in readiness to smash it into Draco's face. Draco merely leered cooly at Jack and blew him a kiss before turning to his own work at hand. Jack scowled at Malfoy, and then rubbing at his side went about the task of taking notes.

It was later in the class, as Professor Lupin sat at his desk, correcting papers while the students were finishing copying down their homework assignment when something odd happened. Once again, Jack was leaning into the palm of his hand, staring with lazy half lidded eyes at the Professor. He seemed transfixed, and unable to look at anything else. The distance of 15 feet or so between the two of them seemed a mile wide. He felt an aching building in side of him that was both painful and suffocating. Memories that were not Jack's were forcing their way to the surface, but he was still trapped in Jack's form, Jack's mind. He wanted... wanted...

Draco heard it first only because he was the one sitting closest to Jack, and then Professor Lupin looked up from the other side of the classroom as a high pitched keening sort of sound reached his hyper sensitive ears. He blinked, frowned slightly and looked around the classroom for the source of the ultra high pitched whine and was shocked to find one of the older Slytherin Boys staring right at him in the most perculiar way. He looked like a handsome lad, something about him was unnervingly familar, the eyes mostly. The way they were staring at him with such an empty, haunted and LONGING expression. Remus looked down on his seating chart briefly, then back up at the boy who was making that.... sound. Jack Grim. The name meant nothing to him.

Draco looked over at his seatmate and narrowed a dangerous gaze at him. This guy was good to have as a trophy friend, but the oddness about him was starting to be a bit much. "Mental you are mate..." he hissed in Jack's ear. When there was no immediate reply to his remark, he leaned back a bit and reaching out, gave a yank on one of the long locks of hair on the side of Jack's head. The reaction was immediate and disturbing. Jack was broken out of his hazy dream-like revelry and turned on Malfoy. The odd keening sound he had been making before became a savage growl, and his eyes were electrically wild as he glared at Draco. He looked like a wild animal ready to spring. Remus saw this reaction and was alarmed just as well. Sensing something bad was inevitable, he rose from his seat, heading in the direction of the two Slytherin, but right then, the bell rang, signaling the end of class. The sound broke Jack out of whatever spell he was in, and he looked around quickly, disoriented, and heart pounding.

He first met the confused expression of Professor Lupin, who was now standing in front of his desk row, then he looked over and saw the narrowed glare of Draco Malfoy. Jack felt a wave of panic rush over him him like a smothering wave, and with a quick grab of his bookbag, and a colllision with his desk, he rushed from the classroom, and out into the hallway to lose himself in the between classes rush. Professor looked at Draco, and in a soft concerned voice asked, "Is your friend well?"

Draco let out a mirthless cold cackle, "That's Jack Grim, mad as a March Hare." he snarked as he rose and took his bag before leaving the classroom with the rest of the students.